Desperate
by kg1507
Summary: Clark/Lois - Contains spoilers from Bride. They crave each other, they want each other. Love is never that simple and never that easy. But it's worth fighting for when you need someone that desperately.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I'm back. I'm tired of writing HSM stuff because basically, I've outgrown it. I'm not 14 anymore and I want to get into some deeper stuff. That being said, here is my latest story. This first chapter contains spoilers for "Bride", so if you haven't watched up to season 8 then I suggest you don't read this. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to stick with this story and give regular updates. If you guys are willing to stick with me and my busy schedule then I will try my hardest to keep updating. Anywhere, here you go. I hope you enjoy it!!! Thanks for reading!!! **

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_Chapter 1: So Close_

_Lois watched her cousin dancing with Jimmy, joy radiating from her face so intensely that Lois wouldn't be surprised if her face stuck like that for days. __I can't believe she's married…_ Lois thought. "_Before me." _She mentally shook herself. No. She wasn't going to think like that, not on Chloe's special day. She'd already gotten past her jealousy - no need to start up any more drama than necessary.

Jimmy leaned in to kiss his bride, and despite her efforts, Lois couldn't stop a white-hot pang erupt in the pit of her stomach that made her want to scream and cry at the same time. She forced herself not to let her emotions show on her face. Inside, she knew she would always be jealous of Chloe for one sole reason. She had managed to hold onto a man and secure him for life while Lois had barely been able to keep a man around long enough to be able to call him a boyfriend, with the exception of Oliver. Still, one man out of many wasn't her greatest accomplishment. And besides, the Oliver/Lois relationship

hadn't ended well either.

Lois feigned a smile as a few guests waked past, and fought to keep it pasted there despite her gloomy thoughts that were swirling around in her head. Thoughts of past loves, past lovers, past heartbreaks. Thoughts of why things worked and why they didn't work. Thoughts of how a love began and how it always had to end, and wondering if it ever was love in the first place. Thoughts of the past and thoughts of the future - if there ever _would_ be a future for Lois Lane that would include a partner. Someone to lean on, someone to be comforted and to comfort her, someone who would support her and depend on her and be completely devoted to only her. Someone who could love her despite her temper and her sarcastic nature, her hesitation to let people in and her unwillingness to trust. Someone to fight for her. Someone she could fall in love with, wholly and completely. Underneath her tough exterior, this was what Lois truly desired above anything else the world could offer her.

Lois continued to watch as the dance floor began to fill up with all the happy couples in the room. She couldn't hold back a smile as an elderly couple swayed to the music. She hoped that one day she could have a love that lasted that long.

_Hell, I'll be lucky if I can have a relationship last longer than a year. _Lois thought bitterly. Her grin vanished and she was left alone with her depressing thoughts once more. _What a load of fun I am…_ Lois thought. _No wonder Clark doesn't -_ Lois stopped herself. No, no, no, she was _not_ going to finish that half-formed thought. It was ridiculous, repulsive, and just plain impossible to even picture. There was no way her and… no, not gonna happen.

A twist in her stomach told her otherwise. Lately it had been harder and harder for her to fully believe those thoughts that were once so easy to think. It had been harder to force herself to be completely pissed off with him. Lately, she would find herself glad to be near him, happy to see him first thing in the morning when she walked into the Daily Planet. He would leave a big cup of coffee on her desk every Monday morning before she arrived at work. She knew it was him because she had caught him in the act one day without his knowledge. She remembered how touched she had been at such a simple gesture, and how that cup of coffee in particular had tasted better than any other cup she'd ever had.

Snapping out of her memories, Lois allowed herself a faint smile. Clark was so different from anyone she'd ever met. He was nothing like the lowlife's who had tried to get into her pants, but still not in the same league as any of the nice, respectable guys she'd met either. Clark Kent was a whole different category of men that no other had reached in Lois's opinion.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lois saw him standing a few yards away watching those on the dance floor as well. She turned her head very slightly to steal a glance. He looked so… good tonight. No doubt, that man could pull off a tux. There was something in his eyes that didn't seem quite satisfied though. His gaze unexpectedly shifter to Lois, startling her for a moment before meeting his stare. His eyes didn't look so sad anymore.

The lights dimmed and Lois heard the beginning of the next song play. It was a slow jazz tune, perfect for a dance. Her eyes flitted all over the place, trying to keep them from Clark's penetrating gaze. She'd never felt nervous around him like this before.

"I guess I can give these well-heeled puppies a rest." Lois said quickly. She was ready to make any excuse to get out from underneath that powerful gaze. She began to walk past him, anxious to get rid of the flutter in her stomach as soon as possible. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Before she could escape and retire to an early night's sleep unscathed by any more lovey-dovey couples, a large, warm hand slipped into her own and she found that she could not move another step. She turned to face Clark, a spark of fear traveling the length of her body and back again. He gave her a slight smile and inclined his head towards the dance floor, which was very plainly reserved for the couples and the already married men and women.

Lois followed him. Her heart was pounding with every second that passed, and they began to dance. Lois couldn't keep a very small smile off her face as she followed his head. _Who knew Smallville could dance? _She could feel his body heat rising through his jacket, warming the palm of her hand and she could not say that his own gentle hand enclosing hers didn't feel nice. More than nice…

Her eyes met his, and they locked for the briefest moment. In that one split second, Lois felt her nerves intensify. His beautiful green eyes were half-lidded, almost as if he was in a trance. They looked upon her in such a soft gaze. She'd never had anyone, not even Oliver, look at her the way Clark was looking at her now. And it scared the hell out of her.

Lois forced her eyes from his and fought to keep them anywhere in the room but where they longed to rest. It was hard to resist - it was like a magnetic pull that could not be severed. Lois tried to make the space between her and Clark a little wider, just so he wouldn't get any ideas during this purely platonic dance. Clark, completely aware of her racing heart, restless eyes, and the rise of color on her cheeks, let her go. However, he gave her hand a small squeeze; barely noticeable, but the skip in her heartbeat made him smile down at her even though she did not meet his gaze. She was focusing intently on the back wall behind his head, where she vaguely wondered how quickly she could run after this agonizingly long song was over.

Her eyes were fixated on the wall, but her mid was fixated on Clark Kent. How had this happened? _When_ had this happened? A year ago, Lois could barely stand him. _Well, maybe that's a little harsh. _Lois thought. _But the year before that, I definitely didn't like hanging around with him. But, that's not entirely true either. The year I met him, yeah, that was when we both despised each other. Even though… rarely… sometimes… every once in a while, he has this insanely annoying way of actually being kinda funny… and thoughtful… and sweet…__have I ever really hated him?_ She thought with new confusion. No, it wasn't hate. It was… what was the opposite of hate?

_Un-hate_. Lois decided. She was determined not to give her strange emotions any other word. _I un-hate Clark Kent._

_Suddenly, a man and his date bumped into Lois, pushing her forward into Clark's arms. As quickly as she had made contact, she retreated, and their dance came to a stop. Her eyes flashed to his and the force between them held. He looked different now, like he had just woken up from a dream. He stared down at her, one look that made Lois's mouth go dry. She caught the first hint of nerves flicker across his face all evening, and wished she could know what he was thinking - if they were the same thoughts going through her heads as well._

Lois's eyebrows lifted slightly, as if to say, "Well?"

Well… what now?

Somehow, Clark knew what she was asking. And he responded. Slowly, unbearably slowly, he leaned his head towards hers. He wanted to give her time to pull away, to make a choice to stay or leave. He half-expected her to bolt or at least slap him as soon as she realized his intentions. Closer and closer he came, and Lois stood perfectly still. He saw her throat contract as she swallowed and brought his gaze back up where a ball of nerves erupted in his stomach. Her half-lidded eyes lingered on his lips, and she raised her head to meet him halfway.

Lois felt drunk with emotion and her head became strangely fuzzy. She couldn't remember where she was or what she'd been thinking five minutes ago. There was only one faint whisper in the back of her mind, telling her something… she couldn't quite grasp it, and didn't really care. She couldn't remember the last time the anticipation of a kiss had made her feel so crazy.

Her eyes closed, and her mouth watered as his warm breath moistened her lips. Her exhilaration reached its peak and it was all Lois could do not to let her actions run wild.

So close…

"Oh my God, I can't believe it! Lana, you're back!"

His warm hand slipped from hers, the blood in her veins went cold, his face drew away from her own, and both pairs of eyes snapped open.

_No…_

A feeling greater than disappointment, greater than anger, greater than any pain she had experienced spread through her body until she could no longer feel the ground beneath her feet. She would never admit it, but she was crushed.

Lois looked from Clark to Lana, who was caught in a loving embrace with Chloe. Her eyes met Lois's for a moment and Lois couldn't tell whether she saw a challenge in them or if she was just imagining things. She looked at Clark and knew now that whatever had just happened between them these past few months was over. And that one sentence was enough to cause Lois to flee the barn as quickly as her injured pride would allow her to go.

The merry noises of the party faded away as Lois pulled the barn door shut behind her. She remained where she was standing, one hand ready to go back inside, back to that wonderful moment that had been so close to being perfect. But this was the life of Lois Lane, and never once had she experienced the thrill of a happy ending.

Lois's eyes pricked painfully and she shut them with an angry sigh. _It's just Clark._ She thought. _It's not important._ Turning away from the barn, she made her way to the front porch of he Kent house where she hoped to find something strong to drink herself back to a better, stronger, smarter Lois Lane.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Goodbye

_Clark was so shocked that he barely registered anything or anyone else near him. He didn't even feel Lois's hand leave his, nor did he see her departure from the barn. He couldn't see anything except for __her_.

Seven months had passed, not far off from a year away from each other, and not once had he heard a word from her. No phone call, no email, no letters. Not even a hint that she was coming back. As suddenly as she had left, here she was standing only yards away from him. And then without warning, Clark couldn't stand being in the same room as her. As people rushed to welcome her back, Clark left the barn unnoticed and let his super-speed take him wherever he ended up. He ran for a good three minutes before he stopped. He definitely wasn't in Kansas anymore. He stood in the middle of an empty beach, waves crashing thunderously behind him as the full moon reflected eerily on the ocean water. Judging from the warmer climate than normal at this time of year in Smallville, Clark guessed that he was somewhere on the beach of the Pacific Ocean.

Using his enhanced hearing, he sought out anybody who might be nearby. Stretching his limit to a three-mile range in all directions, he could recognize nothing more intelligent than a few seagulls and a pod of bottlenose dolphins fishing for their next meal. When he was positive that he was completely alone, Clark went to sit down on an abandoned beach towel to think.

Lana was back. Lana was back, and he had almost kissed Lois all in one night. What was he going to do now?

_This should be obvious_. Clark thought. _But it's not._ If this… whatever it was, never happened between Lois and him, Clark would probably have Lana back in his arms once again, ready for round three hundred. Back to weeks of fighting to make things work between them. A year ago, those few moments would have been enough to endure all the inevitable fights, but now… now Clark wasn't so sure.

His relationship with Lana hadn't been easy throughout the years. It had been a lot of work, and the work they put into it never seemed to sow anything worthwhile. Every time Clark fought to keep Lana with him, she left. Every time he tried to make things work, it would fall to pieces. And now it was happening again. Frankly, he wasn't sure how many more times he could take this.

He was so confused. Why was she here? What made her come back? How long would she stay? So many questions and not enough answers. It was like a cruel joke, Lana coming back to completely unravel his emotions and have him watch them scatter beyond his grasp again.

Clark sat there for a long time, just thinking and trying to make some sense out of it all, one step at a time. Lana was back. He could accept that. What he couldn't understand was the what, where, and why. He would find out. The only way he was ever going to deal with this once and for all was by confronting Lana himself and getting some straight answers. He wasn't going to let himself be strung along again.

His mind made up, Clark super-sped back to the farm, making sure no one was around to see him suddenly appear out of thin air. It looked like the party was winding down - the barn was almost empty and the DJ had already left. The absence of music made the atmosphere seem way too quiet. Glancing at his watch, he realized he'd been gone for a good hour and a half. It hadn't seemed like that long of a time… With regret, Clark also realized he'd missed most of Chloe's reception for his own selfish needs. He would make it up to her.

Almost immediately after completing this thought, Chloe and Lana appeared. Clark felt nervous and took a deep breath before walking towards them. Chloe caught his eye and her smile vanished at the serious look on Clark's face.

"Chloe, can we have a minute?" Clark asked.

Chloe glanced back and forth from Clark to Lana, and was surprised to see his solemn expression intact even when his gaze met Lana's. This certainly wasn't what she had expected.

"Uh, yeah… of course. Jimmy and I need to pack for tomorrow anyway. I'll just… see you then." Chloe finished uncomfortably. You could cut the tension with a knife, and she wasn't about to stick around waiting for it to get any worse. She quickly left the two alone, and the silence that followed seemed to echo all around them.

Lana met his gaze after a few moments, a hint of uneasiness flashing through her at the look on Clark's face.

"Hi, Clark." She said softly.

Clark stared in disbelief. "Hi? Is that all you can think of to say to me?"

Lana bowed her head. "What do you want me to say?"

Clark had a million answers to her question, but they were all stuck in his chest like a plug had been inserted between his heart and his throat. He couldn't make anything come out, couldn't push one honest answer from the depths of his heart. He wanted to, so badly…

"I don't know." Clark said. They held their gaze, and Clark felt like he was trapped. He saw himself in her eyes, and had the fleeting image of himself struggling to escape back to a world that was just starting to make sense again - back to a place where pain didn't haunt him.

He tore his eyes from hers and did not look at her. "Why are you here?"

Lana could see how full of hurt he was, and felt her guilt intensify like she knew it would when she saw him again. "I'm looking for Lex. I'm not convinced that he's dead."

"What makes you think that?"

Lana paused. "Because I think I've seen him."

"You think?"

"Clark, I wouldn't forget a face like his. I _was_ married to him." Lana pointed out.

Clark visibly flinched, feeling the too-familiar knife plunging into his heart. "I know." He said softly. He didn't want to talk to her anymore. He wanted to be anywhere but here, listening to this.

"Lana, I'm not going to help you find him." Clark said firmly. "If that's what you came back here for, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. Lex is gone."

"I don't believe you."

Clark tried to hold back his anger, but too many emotions had bubbled to the surface and he couldn't contain it any longer. Letting out a frustrated cry, he punched the railing of the staircase that led up to the loft, shattering the wood into hundreds of fragmented pieces. Lana jumped back to avoid being hit, shocked at Clark's reaction.

"Damn it, Lana! Don't you get it? I don't care what you do or don't believe! Just because you came back doesn't mean I'm going to be your secret weapon and help you find a dead man!" He moved closer to her and gripped her shoulders tightly.

"Why are you here?"

"I-I didn't want your help. I swear - "

"Then why are you here?" Clark demanded. "Tell me!"

"Fine! I missed you! Are you happy now? Let go of me before you break my arms!" Lana said viciously as her angry stare penetrated his own fierce expression.

Clark's face softened, realizing that he was hurting her. He quickly let go and averted his eyes as Lana began to rub her bruises. "You chose to leave. You made the choice to disappear from my life and completely break my heart. You don't get to miss me." Clark said.

"It was the hardest decision I ever had to make." Lana said. "But I had to. I couldn't hold you back any longer."

"Why did it have to be that way? Why did I have to choose between you and the world? What was wrong with having both? We could've made it work, Lana. You just didn't want to enough." Clark said bitterly.

"That's not true - " Lana protested.

"Yes, it is." Clark looked down at the woman he had loved for more than half his life. The woman he had once shared everything with, the woman he had given his whole self to, the woman he thought he couldn't live without - and he knew at that moment that he no longer loved her. A pain like this ran too deep to just forget.

"I won't do this again. I won't pretend that everything will be ok now and that we can pick up where we left off. We can't. We can't, and I don't want to. This is it, Lana. I think it would be best if we didn't see each other again." Clark said, looking her in the eye. He didn't see his reflection staring back at him. He didn't see himself in a cage. He was free from the prison that had kept him captive for so long.

Lana looked more shocked than Clark could ever recall seeing her. "Is that really what you want?" She said softly. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"Yes." Clark said. "I'm sorry."

Lana nodded her head, wiping her cheek. "We were never meant to be, were we?"

"I thought so, once." Clark said. "But no. We can't force destiny."

Lana nodded again, and regained composure after a moment or two. "I know you disagree, but I know Lex is out there somewhere, and when I find him, I will make him pay for everything he ever did to both you and me. I swear it." She said. Clark didn't reply. "I guess this is goodbye then."

Clark remained silent, emotion welling up inside of him. "Yeah."

Their gazes locked for a full minute, each of them taking in the last glimpse of the one they had loved for so long. Lana broke first, walking past Clark towards the barn door. Clark turned to watch her go. He wondered if he was making the right choice, if he should run after her and take her hand, beg her to stay, that they could work it out and be together again, this time permanently. There was a small part of him that ached to do just this - the fourteen-year old Clark longed to hold her in his arms again and make everything be like high school again where he wasn't expected to save the world; where he was only expected to make it to tenth grade. He took a step forward, and then hesitated. No. He couldn't do this. He wouldn't let himself. He had to be strong. He slowly took two steps back.

Lana turned at the door, where more tears were threatening to spill from her dark brown eyes. "Clark, I just want you to know… I've always been in love with you. I never stopped. Not once. Not ever. And I'm so sorry." Her voice broke on the last word, and blinking rapidly, she turned back and left him.

Clark remained where he was, his legs shaking. A car started. Gravel crunched underneath the wheels as it began to back out of the driveway. Clark could hear Lana's gentle sobs even though he tried his hardest to tune them out.

She was out of the driveway.

Past the mailbox.

Down the road.

Gone.

Clark took a deep breath, went to sit on the steps of his loft, and closed his eyes feeling a strange mixture of pain and relief flooding through him. And then he cried, knowing this was for the best but hating that it had to be so.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Conversations

"Clark?" Chloe called as she let herself in through the back door of the Kent house. She heard the TV going in the living room and crossed the kitchen towards the sound. She'd tried not to butt into his personal issues - God only knew how many times she'd gotten into trouble with him over not being able to mind her own business, but this was different. This concerned two of her friends, and she knew Clark would only brood over this longer than necessary unless she stepped in and snapped him out of his funk.

Reaching the living room, Chloe circled the couch where she came to face Clark. He was sitting comfortably with his feet propped up on the coffee table, watching the Baltimore Ravens destroy the Dallas Cowboys.

"Hey, Chloe. I thought you'd be busy packing." Clark said as he turned the volume down and looked up at her.

Chloe was taken aback by the natural tone in his voice. Late last night, Lana had sought Chloe out and told her about her and Clark's conversation after Chloe had left the two of them alone. She hadn't said much, just that it was "over for good" this time and that they were not going to seek each other out again. Chloe had tried to get more information out of her, but Lana would not be moved. She'd hugged her warmly, promised to keep in touch, and then left before Chloe could even give Lana the address to her and Jimmy's new apartment or ask her for an email address. Nine sleepless hours later, Chloe had rushed to Clark's, unable to satisfy her curiosity.

"Hey… Clark, can we talk?" Chloe asked uncertainly.

Clark clicked the TV off, knowing what was coming. There was no sense in trying to escape Chloe's investigations, so he might as well get it over with. "Ok."

Chloe took a seat next to him, unsure of how to start. Thankfully, she didn't have to.

"I guess Lana told you." Clark stated matter-of-factly.

Chloe nodded. "Well, yeah… Clark, what _happened_?"

Clark sighed and removed his legs from the table, sitting upright and folding his arms across his legs. "Chloe, I've wanted to be with Lana for years. Every time I try to make our relationship better, it's only fallen apart. Last night I realized that I can't put myself through that again."

Out of all the responses Chloe had imagined Clark giving, this was the very last one she'd expected.

"But… Clark, you _loved_ her." Chloe said. "How do you just stop loving someone?"

Clark didn't respond for a moment, but then he answered. "I've been up all night asking myself that exact same question."

"And…" Chloe prodded.

"And… I don't think I was ever _in love _with Lana." Clark said. "I was more in love with the idea of her, of what we could be. All I've ever wanted was to feel normal and have a normal relationship like everyone else on this planet. But I'm not normal, and I won't have normal relationships, no matter how much I want to pretend I can. I can't force her and I to be happy together. We weren't, and we wouldn't be if I had asked her to stay with me. I won't pine over Lana anymore. I don't want to be with someone I have to pretend to be in love with just because it would be easier. I want to be with someone I can love whole-heartedly without any secrets, and without any lies."

Chloe was shocked. Who the hell was this boy - no, this _man_ sitting in front of her? Where was the Clark Kent she'd known for nine years of her life and who could she thank for bringing in this guy? Good God, was he actually moving on with his life and leaving Planet Lang? She never thought she would hear these words coming out of Clark's mouth. It was almost too unbelievable.

After she could form words again, Chloe spoke. "You're serious?"

Clark nodded.

"You don't love Lana?"

Another nod.

"…. Clark, I'm extremely proud of you. "Chloe said with a smile.

It was Clark's turn to be confused. "You are? But, Lana's your friend."

"And so are you." Chloe said. "Clark, I've known for years that you two weren't going to end happily ever after, and it's not because I secretly wished it upon you guys. You're both very important to me, and I just want what's best for you two. Being together is obviously not what's best. I just can't believe you came to this conclusion on your own. You… you look completely different to me now."

Clark cocked his eyebrows. "Really? I look different?"

Chloe smiled and nodded. "Yes. You look… happy."

Clark smiled and squeezed her hand. "I _feel_ happy."

A moment passed between the two friends, but then a sad look came over Chloe's face. "It's just… I have a feeling this is the last time I'll ever see her again. She didn't even leave her phone number. I have no idea where she is."

Clark wrapped his arm around her. "It may be for the best. Lana was never meant to be stuck in Smallville. She always wanted to go somewhere no one knew about her past. If it's meant to be, you two will find a way to stay in touch."

Chloe nodded against his shoulder. "Yeah, you're right." She blinked back the bit of moisture that had accumulated in her eyes and smiled.

"So."

"So…" Clark said.

"Can we talk about something else?" Chloe said hesitantly.

"What?" Clark said warily. Chloe had a twinkle in her eye that had always spelled trouble for him in the past.

"Lois." Chloe said.

Clark felt his stomach turn, but found it was not unpleasant. "W-what about her?"

"I saw the two of you dancing last night. I haven't seen my cousin look that way in a long time." Chloe said with a grin.

"Chloe -"

"Clark, I'm not going to try and play matchmaker, I promise." Chloe assured. "I just want to know where the two of you stand now. I mean… did anything happen?"

Clark opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. "No. I mean, not really - it was just… we…" He looked at Chloe with exasperation. "I'm not sure."

Chloe nodded slowly. "So, nothing happened?"

Clark revisited the dance in his memory. It had been so nice, so comfortable, like this was where he'd been meant to be all this time. He couldn't explain it. "I don't know - there was - _I_ thought that, maybe, there was a moment where we might've… kissed." He finished, looking to Chloe for help.

Chloe couldn't hold back a huge smile, try as she might. This was just too good. "Clark, I'm not going to say anything else after this because I don't want you to freak out and just forget about it. I think that maybe you should consider having Lois around… a little bit closer to you."

Clark reddened a tinge. Chloe stood up to leave and patted his shoulder. "Think about it. And one more thing." She leaned down to his head and stared him in the eye. "I mean it. Don't do anything until you're _sure_ it's what you want. I will not have Lois returned to me broken or bruised in any way. I might not be able to bust through walls, but I do know a thing or two about hacking into computers." She gestured to his new Dell Inspiron he had been loaned to work on Daily Planet articles at home. "Nice laptop."

She walked away in the opposite direction, leaving Clark to stare after her with wide eyes. "Chloe?"

As she left him sitting there and shut the back door behind her, Chloe had to giggle. The look on his face had been absolutely priceless.

__________________________________________________________________________

One week later

_His long, protective arms wrapped around her, pulling her to his chest as they gently swayed to the music. He was so warm and cozy, like a favorite security blanket on a cold winter night. Her entire body fit into his frame like the last piece of a puzzle - the piece that had once been lost and was now found. She looked up to stare into those beautiful green eyes that never ceased to captivate her. His gaze was so soft, so gentle, so… indescribable. In that moment, she had never felt so safe._

With a jolt, Lois awoke from her deep sleep. She let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding and rolled over onto her back, closing her eyes with a barely audible sigh. She'd been having the same dream for a week, and every morning she would wake with disappointment because she had yet to find out how the dream would end. It was so frustrating. Lois hated the fact that she was dreaming of that damn farm boy, and hated that she looked forward to the dream even more. And yet a small part of her desperately wanted to see the last few moments. She wanted to know so much these days, but never seemed to be able to get any answers. And it didn't help that she'd been running away from it all.

Two days after the wedding, Chloe and Jimmy had left for their three-week honeymoon. Lois had originally planned to meet them at the airport for their goodbyes, but when she realized that Clark would be joining them, Lois did something she'd never done before. She bolted.

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"What do you mean, 'you're not coming?'" Chloe said as she and Lois struggled with a particularly large suitcase down the Talon stairs.

Lois set her end down and blew her bangs out of her face. "Exactly what it's supposed to mean. I can't make it to the airport because I've got a story to write that's due on Tuesday."

"Really." Chloe said, disbelievingly. "What's it about?"

_Damn…_ Lois thought. _Didn't get that far…_ "Big murder story." She blurted. "Huge."

Chloe lifted her end of the suitcase and the two began to bring it down again. "So who was murdered?"

_Why did I think I could fool her? _Lois thought angrily. "Well… that's why I need to get to work as soon as possible. I don't know anything about my own story!"

"Nice try, Lois." Chloe said with a chuckle. "Wanna tell me the real reason now?"

They made it to the bottom of the stairs and thankfully dropped the suitcase next to the other two of almost equal size. Lois sighed. She might as well get it over with.

"Ok, fine. I just… I can't… be… around Clark right now." She muttered quietly.

Chloe smiled, her back facing Lois. She'd had a feeling this would be coming soon. After talking with Clark yesterday, she'd been silently wondering how long it would be until she could get Lois to speak up about everyone's favorite red-clothed reporter. She'd surprised her - Chloe had bet on a week before hearing Lois utter the "C" word.

"Clark? Why would you have a problem being around him? It didn't exactly bother you before." Chloe said, trying her hardest to look serious.

Lois casually waved her hand. "It's not important. Don't worry about it cuz."

Chloe turned to face her. "No, really, tell me what's up."

When Lois realized with dismay that Chloe wasn't going to back down now that her interest was sparked, she sighed and went to sit down at one of the tables. "It's just… my emotions haven't been very stable lately, what with Oliver and me breaking up and that whole mess. But um… ok, now you can't laugh, but I've… been having… these totally strange, completely unrealistic, insanely disturbing… let's call them "feelings"… for Clark." She finished, almost whispering his name. A few seconds passed and she glanced up at Chloe, feeling very uncomfortable. "Say something."

Chloe smiled gently at her cousin and pulled up a chair next to her. "Lois, you know I love you, right?"

"Yeah." Lois said slowly.

"And you know that I would never lie to you about anything, especially as serious as something like this."

"Woah, serious? This isn't -" Lois was cut off.

"So knowing that, would you believe what I'm about to tell you?" Chloe asked.

Lois nodded. "I guess so."

Chloe took her hand. "I think you and Clark are destined to be more than just desk neighbors at work."

Lois looked confused. "What, you think we're gonna be promoted?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "No, I mean… the two of you have more in common than you think."

Lois made a disbelieving noise. "Are you kidding? Have you even seen us around each other? We can't get along for more than a couple of minutes before he says something to tick me off. He can't take a joke worth crap, he always pushes my buttons in the wrong way, and frankly, he annoys me sometimes. We have nothing in common. Besides, his dream girl is back in town so none of this even matters."

"I wouldn't be too sure about Clark and Lana's relationship resurfacing." Chloe said. Lois felt her insides jump at this, but quickly pushed it aside.

"I saw the two of you dancing the other night and you didn't look like you were too annoyed with him then." Chloe continued.

Lois froze and tried not to let it look like she'd been caught. "Hey, I was doing Smallville a favor."

Chloe knew trying to talk to Lois would be a lot harder than talking to Clark. Lois had built so many protective walls throughout the years, and after the breakup with Oliver, they were bound to be higher than ever. But Chloe knew that with the right person, those walls could be chipped away little by little. All it took was the right person.

She didn't want to risk scaring Lois off with details of her conversation with Clark, so Chloe decided to back off the subject until another day. Three weeks was a long time - maybe things would be clearer for her when she and Jimmy came back.

"Listen, I gotta meet Jimmy at the travel agency to make sure everything is set for tomorrow. I'll talk to you later, ok?" Chloe said as she grabbed her purse to leave.

A little puzzled that Chloe was leaving without pressing her harder on Clark, she nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you later." When Chloe had left, Lois went up to her apartment and started to make a cup of coffee, extra-strong just the way she liked it. Plopping on the couch with her feet tucked under her, she took a sip and felt the warmth spread down her throat to her belly, unconsciously thinking of the way a certain farm boy had that same effect on her.

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Lois jumped out of her skin as a second alarm clock across the room went off and stumbled out of bed to silence the damn thing. She always set two clocks every morning because she tended to rip the plug out of the first one and continue to sleep, making her an hour or so late to work. After the first few times she'd been severely warned that if she showed up late again, she would be docked a week's paycheck. She hadn't been late since.

A slow churning began to build up in her stomach as she headed to the bathroom for a shower. She was running out of extra things to do to keep her from running into Clark at work. Yesterday she'd even gone as far as to offer to run the copies for the copy boy while he took a lunch break. She'd had to take the elevator up a floor to use the copy machine farthest from Clark's desk, but it had bought her three hours away from him. She felt almost silly for acting this way, but she told herself it was what was best right now. Besides, she was sure Clark wasn't thinking too much about her now that Lana had reappeared. Although, Chloe _did_ say not to count on Episode 1000 of the Clark and Lana show…

_Who am I kidding?_ Lois thought. _Clark and Lana were born for each other. Nothing's going to change that._ Lois felt uneasy as she began to dry off and change. _Besides, it's not like I want to._ She nodded firmly to herself in the mirror, ending the internal conversation. If she had looked a little closer, Lois would've seen the gloomy look in her own eyes, highlighting the obvious lie she would not face.


	4. Chapter 4

_Beep…Beep…Beep…_

Lois watched each individual piece of paper eject from the copy machine. She sat in a hard chair, her arms folded across the back with her chin in her palms. The hallways that contained the forgotten copier was deserted, and Lois was extremely bored. She didn't know how that copy boy could stand doing this _every day_ for minimum wage, and she's never been more glad that she was a reporter and not hired help.

_That kid better bring me back that coffee like I told him to…_ Lois thought as she continued to watch the copier do its job. She was seriously crashing without her caffeine boost and needed a jolt fast, otherwise she wouldn't be able to make it past three. It was only noon.

Lois sighed and picked at a piece of lint on her pants, closing her eyes. She didn't want to be here right now. She wanted to be back in her bed, sound asleep so she could finish that dream. That stupid, pointless, frustratingly wonderful dream.

_God, why do I even care so much?_ Lois thought to herself. _Lois, you have to let it go._ She knew she had to. She knew it was for the best, and it would be the only way for her to keep herself from getting crushed beyond repair.

But she didn't want to. She didn't want to let it go. She wanted to hold on as tightly as she could without breaking that beautiful, wonderful man.

_And that's what scares me…_

________________________________________________________________________

Clark sat at his desk, tapping a pencil impatiently. He had an article he knew he had to finish by the end of the day, but he just couldn't concentrate on it right now. His head was too full with thoughts of Lois. He'd only seen a few glimpses of her in the past week, and hadn't talked to her at all. She wasn't answering his calls, texts, or anything else he tried to do to reach her. Clark knew he wasn't exactly Lois's favorite person in the world, but she'd never cut him off entirely like this. And he wanted to know why.

About half an hour later, Clark finally saw Lois emerge from God knows where with a stack of papers that almost entirely blocked her face from view. He could just see the top of her eyes peeking out over the tower as she maneuvered her way through the room to her desk, and had to crack a smile. He watched her come closer and closer, and then she suddenly stopped. Their eyes locked, and Clark thought he saw a hint of fear in Lois's. She hesitated for half a second before dropping the stack of papers on her desk, half of them fluttering to the floor in a haphazard pile. She cursed under her breath and Clark bent down to help her.

"You know, you probably should've made two trips." Clark said with a smile, trying to catch her eye.

Lois didn't look at him. "I can handle it." She was grabbing at papers as fast as she could, as if she couldn't get away from him soon enough.

"Lois, can we talk?" Clark asked once the stack was in neat order again.

"Can't, Smallville, gotta run." Lois said. She made to walk around him, but was cut off by Clark - well, Clark's chest. Her mouth started to water.

"Lois, please?" Clark said softly. Lois finally looked up at him, seeing the desperation in his eyes. She honestly felt a little bad for avoiding him the way she did, looking at the expression on his face now.

Lois sighed. "Ok." She took his arm and pulled him away from all the hustle and bustle into one of the empty offices towards the back, trying not to imagine that arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him… was it suddenly hot in this room?

Clark closed the door behind them and it grew instantly quiet. Lois didn't like quiet. Quiet meant awkward silences, and she couldn't handle those right now. Especially with Clark.

"Ok, you called this little meeting to order. What's up?" Lois asked, crossing her arms loosely.

"I want to know why you've been avoiding me all week." Clark said.

Lois made a little noise. "I have _not_ been avoiding you. Our paths just haven't crossed lately. There's a difference."

"Oh come on," Clark said. "You are too. You've been avoiding me and I'm not going to let you leave this room until I get a straight answer from you." He said firmly.

Lois hated herself for thinking it, but she was so turned on by "forceful" Clark. _God…_

"Clark, you're just reading too much into this." Lois said. "Seems to be happening a lot lately, doesn't it?"

Oops. That last part wasn't supposed to come out.

Clark paused, noting the uncomfortable expression on Lois's face. "Lois, what are you saying?" When she didn't answer, he continued. "You haven't even looked at me since the wedding. Did I do something wrong?"

Lois wanted to cry, and that feeling didn't come easily. _No, you idiot, you didn't do anything wrong…_

"Lois?"

"No, Clark." She said softly.

Clark tried hard to piece together the reasons, wishing he understood the female mind a whole lot better than he did. Maybe he'd be having a whole lot more luck right now.

A thought came to him. "Lois, does this have to do with us… at the wedding?"

Lois's eyes snapped to his. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… us… dancing. Are you… uncomfortable about that?" Clark could tell he was getting somewhere now - Lois's heart was racing.

"No! God, no! I mean, please. It was nothing. It was just a dance." Lois said in a rushed tone. She had to dig herself out of this hole before it got any deeper.

"But, I thought there was a moment. I thought you wanted to - " Clark was cut off.

"No! No moment, no nothing! I didn't even have that great a time anyway. Like I said before, it was just a stupid dance!" Lois felt herself tripping over her words, but she couldn't help it. Something in Clark's face changed when she finished, and she was taken aback. He looked hurt.

"You didn't feel anything?" Clark asked gently. "You didn't have fun?"

Lois hesitated. Why was he upset by this? "Clark, don't you think it would be best if we just… forgot about the whole thing?"

A moment of silence passed between them. It had to have been only a few seconds, but to Lois it felt like an eternity. She suddenly realized she was holding her breath.

"Sure." Clark responded. "You're right. Let's just forget it ever happened."

Lois looked at him blankly.

"So, are we good now?" Clark asked.

Lois nodded her head, slowly coming back. "Yeah, of course." She gave his arm a punch and winced slightly. God, he was so hard.

"Good." Clark said. He gave her one of those Kent-smiles, almost melting Lois in the process, and gave her hand a small squeeze before leaving the room. Lois stared after him, relieved that they were talking again. But still she felt an ache that should've gone away by now. For the first time, her and Clark had agreed on something - and she wished they hadn't.


End file.
